DAILY HOMILIES #Marriage

If married couples were to love each other like Jesus loved us and died for us, our world would be a happier place. Love is not about what you get from others but what you are willing to give. To love someone is committing to improving their lives physically and spiritually.

There are no perfect families. There are only human families, and humans have flaws, weaknesses and limitations. St. Paul would say: “The good I want to do, I don’t do it, but I end up doing the evil I don’t want.” You may not be happy about your family, but do not assume your family is the worst. It is with this understanding that our readings today offer us useful tips on how to improve the situation of our families.

His disciples asked Jesus: “If such is the case of a man with his wife, is it not better to remain unmarried?” (Matthew 19:10). Jesus said: “Not all men can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.” (Matthew 19:11). In other words, celibacy is not for everyone. One who is not called to a celibate life but embraces it to escape the rigours of marriage would end up frustrated. Achieving a happy marriage is difficult, but being a faithful celibate is more difficult without the grace of celibacy.

One lesson from today’s Gospel passage is to avoid making promises or talking too much when we are happy or intoxicated (under alcohol). While drinking alcohol is not a sin, we must be responsible for whatever we do or say afterwards. Herod could not return his words when he realised the girl asked for John the Baptist’s head. She could have also asked for Herod’s head.

Despite the partying, drinking, and dancing of the marriage ceremonies, Tobias was not carried away; he remembered to pray. When it was time to be intimate with Sarah, Tobias said: “Sister, get up and let us pray.” How many of us remember to pray when we are excited or in love? Growing up, we were taught how to pray before eating any meal. This lesson should apply to all kinds of meals.

Is it the case that this very flesh will be given to us again? Yes. Does it mean that at the resurrection, we would be able to recognize each other’s faces? Yes. So, our hands, our eyes, our tongue, etc. would be restored to us again? Yes. Does it then mean we shall be capable of falling in love, getting married, and so on? Jesus says: “Those who are accounted worthy to attain to that age and to the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage, for they cannot die anymore

Since there are no perfect humans, and Jesus is saying that divorce is not an option, how are couples to find joy in marriage? The answer is forgiveness. Forgive quickly. St. Paul would say: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27). If couples learn to forgive each other seventy times seven times, marriages would be blissful. Forgiveness sustains marriage.

Are you having trouble controlling your sexual appetite? Do you find yourself falling into the sin of adultery by thoughts, words, or actions? Are you struggling with fornication, masturbation, and unchastity in one form or another? Jesus has the solution for you: Start from the root - “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away.” (Matthew 5:29). In other words, start by uprooting your bad thoughts and unholy desires. Do not leave any room for lustful wishes. When you look at a person, let their beauty remind you of the beauty and perfection of God.

Your marriage will succeed, when you learn to judge yourself rather than judging your partner; when you learn to admit your faults and say: “I am sorry.”

Are you currently thinking of divorce? Has love vanished completely in your marriage? Maybe, it wasn’t even there in the first place. Maybe it is time to start loving again; time to start sacrificing rather than benefiting. Marriage begins the day you decide to love this person no matter what. Marriage is not for fun; it is a life of endless giving.

Take away faithfulness marriage/religious life becomes a caricature. An unfaithful spouse does great damage to his/her family just as an unfaithful celibate does great damage to their flock.

If we must pray when our eyes are red with tears, then let us never forget to pray when our eyes are red with alcohol, laughter and merriment because not all that glitters is gold.