Readings: Deuteronomy 34:1-12, Ps. 66:1-3,5,16-17, Matthew 18:15-20
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” (Matthew 18:15)
In teaching us to pray, Jesus added the phrase “as we forgive those who sin against us” because He knows that people must offend us. You cannot control others, but you can control how you react when they offend you. You cannot stop others from looking for trouble, but you can choose not to give them any. You cannot avoid being offended, but you can avoid bitterness, malice and hatred. How? Jesus outlines the following steps one must take when offended.
Step 1: Go to the person who has hurt you and tell them their offence. (Matthew 18:15). This must not be confrontational. Consider these two statements: 1) “I am not happy about what you said this morning.” 2) “You must be sick in the head for addressing me like that this morning.” Which of them do you think Jesus would recommend?
On the other hand, meeting the person who has offended you (before anyone else) is an important step. You should never discuss your offender with others without first discussing your grievance with them. Jesus says, “If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15). This meeting aims to regain your offender. It should be about winning them over, not putting them down or making them feel the pain you felt.
Some people may feel offended, but they refuse to let the offender know. This is wrong. If you do not express your pain (in a gentle manner), you bottle up pain in your heart. Like a time bomb, it may explode when you least expect it. Meanwhile, carrying bitterness in your heart while looking for an opportunity to avenge is giving room for the devil to poison your heart with evil suggestions.
Above all, this first step (meeting your offender) cannot be ignored. Jesus says, “When you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24) If you are unhappy with me, let me know so I can avoid worsening the injury.
If your brother refuses to reconcile with you, consider inviting one or more people to help. Find neutral parties to resolve the matter, preferably those you both hold in high esteem. Only proceed to the next step if this fails. Remember that the goal is to win back a brother; it is not merely to pour out one’s anger or inflict pain on others.
Step 3: Invite the church. If the brother fails to reconcile with you after going with one or more persons, Jesus says, “Invite the church” For many of us, we make the mistake of inviting the church (by talking about it with our church members) even before meeting the person.
Step 4: Leave them alone. Jesus says, “If the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you untie on earth will be untied in heaven.” (Matthew 18:17-18). In this way, Jesus proclaims the power of the church. The Church has the power to bind (tie us to God) and loose (forgive our sins)
There remains one last step. It is prayer. Jesus says, “When two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). It is not enough that we try to win back those who offend us; we must also pray that God would touch their hearts to repent. St. Paul advises: “Brother goes to the law against another brother and before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong?” (1 Corinthians 6:6-7).
In today’s first reading, God showed Moses the Promised Land. Earlier, God told Moses that he would not lead the people into that Land because of his disobedience (striking the rock twice instead of speaking to it). By showing all the land to Moses, God was merciful to Moses. Learn to be kind, even to those who offend you.
Let us pray: Almighty, ever-living God, give us the wisdom to act right and forgive when we are offended. We ask this through Our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God forever and ever. Amen.
Be Happy. Live Positive. Have Faith. It is well with you. May God’s abundant blessings be upon us all. (Wednesday of Week 19 in Ordinary Time. Liturgical Colour: Green. Bible Study: Deuteronomy 34:1-12, Ps. 66:1-3,5,16-17, Matthew 18:15-20)
@Rev. Fr. Evaristus E. Abu